This is all about the title. The question is...am I? I have heard it once and blew it off, but then I heard it again...and again. So now I cant help but wonder if maybe I am. 1. "You allow him to control you" 2. "Well it seems to me that sometimes you let him take control of what you do" 3. "Why do you do all this for him?" 4. "What are you gaining by letting him take control of you like that?" and here is the one that gets to me the most, "I dont like the person you have become" So obviously all of that said to me by people that I care about is hard. But here comes the spiral...just last night he said to me "I cant trust you" and, "You only think about yourself" and, "Sometimes I just wish you were there for people as much as they are there for you" WHAT THE FUCK! and here I was thinking I couldnt be more there for him. So now, here I sit thinking to myself what to do and how to feel. My heart has been numb for weeks. I guess what im trying to say is, I need advice. I need help as to what I should do now.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Controlled?
This is all about the title. The question is...am I? I have heard it once and blew it off, but then I heard it again...and again. So now I cant help but wonder if maybe I am. 1. "You allow him to control you" 2. "Well it seems to me that sometimes you let him take control of what you do" 3. "Why do you do all this for him?" 4. "What are you gaining by letting him take control of you like that?" and here is the one that gets to me the most, "I dont like the person you have become" So obviously all of that said to me by people that I care about is hard. But here comes the spiral...just last night he said to me "I cant trust you" and, "You only think about yourself" and, "Sometimes I just wish you were there for people as much as they are there for you" WHAT THE FUCK! and here I was thinking I couldnt be more there for him. So now, here I sit thinking to myself what to do and how to feel. My heart has been numb for weeks. I guess what im trying to say is, I need advice. I need help as to what I should do now.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Why three in the morning?!
What the hell is wrong with me? Lately I have been making tons of mistakes on purpose just because im so fuckin bored with my life. I feel like I need to spice it up with some rebellion and stupidity. I even stole a few road cones and stuck them in the middle of peoples driveways just because i was THAT bored. A little vodka here, a little sneaking out here. Its time to stop. This whole...[situation x2]... I shall call it, is FUCKING WITH MY MIND. I need to gain control of myself before this situation x2 gets an even better grasp on me. Someone needs a reality check and that someone would be me.
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